It’s high time we put the most enduring myths about human behavior to bed, and see the mind—and the world—as it is.
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Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D.
By committing to learning what real help is, I came to understand that if I could manage my anxiety about other people’s problems, I could think about real solutions.
This work is all about looking within, getting to know yourself, and then changing your mindset and beliefs about what truly aligns with your Self.
Knowing yourself and becoming confident in who you are isn’t as easy as it may sound. Building a strong sense of yourself can seem like an impossible task at times.
There’s no limit to what we can appreciate if we’re paying close attention.
As a result of her work in therapy, Violet decided to start acting for herself by making an effort to decide how she’d like to respond when faced with Jeff’s anxiety.
By slowing down, becoming more aware, looking within, and responding versus reacting to life, we’re able to connect with our true intentions, and finally feel good enough for life.
Being able to interact with people by staying connected and managing emotions is the mark of a person who lives with true intention.
The stimulus for a lobster’s growth is its discomfort. If lobsters avoided this discomfort, they’d never grow.
If we scratch beneath the surface of our relationships, we’re likely to see that the issues we have might lie in what we’ve failed to communicate.
So maybe change begins with acceptance and gratitude for what is. Maybe it starts with appreciating the good, the bad, and the ugly, knowing that there’s no magical changes.
Most of all, appreciate the gift of contentment this holiday season by limiting your focus to what you do have.
This is what I will teach my girls: How to control their own emotional world, and how to hold onto love at the same time as their beliefs and values.
Most of us—even multimillionaires—struggle to relax and just enjoy the present moment.
All of us have triggers that can lead us to overreact at times. If we know what those triggers are, we can learn to be more in control of ourselves when our buttons are pushed.
When we urgently aim to please other people, we’re seeking approval of self from outside sources.
When you feel overwhelmed by emotions or believe your feelings don’t matter to the ones you love, it’s almost automatic to try to numb and disconnect from how you truly feel.
When you do too much, it’s usually because you’re taking on other people's tasks in addition to your own.
Being supportive of yourself and others means letting pain just be there in the moment, and being sympathetic instead of combative.
For most of my life, I used people-pleasing in the same way other people use drugs, alcohol, food, or shopping — as a way to avoid the discomfort of others' disapproval.
If you don't consciously acknowledge the unmet need triggering your emotional reactions, you'll feel imprisoned by your own emotions.
Work on being who you want to be, even when you’re around people who have different opinions or make annoying remarks.
One of the biggest pushes towards perfectionism is the need to always “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel worthless.
Delaying gratification isn’t a new concept. Back in 300 B.C., Aristotle saw that the reason so many people were unhappy was that they confused pleasure for true happiness.
Doing things based on what other people say will make us happy can be dangerous. But it can be just as damaging to do the total opposite of what people expect from us.
In order to start creating more satisfying relationship dynamics, you must develop a stronger sense of self.
Sometimes we take a stand and decide it’s time to take a good look at our lives and change. Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that force to change.
When it comes to making decisions, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to fail and fall, because a lot of the time, the best decisions come from doing what scares you the most.
The main character in the film started internalizing garbage messages and beliefs as a child and never fought back or stood up for herself.
We walk around overprotected to prevent people from injuring us, but it also keeps us from being able to make our own meaningful attacks.
Contrary to what you might believe, you aren’t bringing your best self forward when you conduct yourself in pleasing ways.
Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and blogger, who teaches in the Department of Counseling at Barry University.
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