What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
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Kyle, Like you, I had gay sex with my college best friend shortly after we graduated. At first we were like the men described, kept is mechanical. We had anal sex a year before we kissed.
But, in a year or two we we french kissing, sending the night with each other, cuddling in bed and truly in love. The mistake we both made is we were also dating and we would often have sex with our girlfriends then spend the night together, making love all night. John (my lover) finally said the L word several years after I did. By now we were both married, had kids about the same time but kept having the most wonderful love affair. John still had that Bible belt guilt and every so often he would want to "cool it". But he always came back, hotter than ever. His daughter came out as a transgender and he about melted. Since his wife worked out of town I really had to nurse him through that. I thought he might fell guilty then but we made love 8 times one night and we were both 40!.
But after he had accepted his daughter's issue, I could tell he blamed himself for her condition. Then one day (after 20 years) told me I turned him gay and he wished we had never met. This was after I had to tell his parents about his daughter because he didn't have the courage to.
We seldom communicate and he is obviously gay as he was the one who initiated anal sex as I was content just to masturbate with him. But I have a big empty hole in my life. I was with him so long no other man even interest me. I would have rather experienced his love and been hurt than never met him.
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