What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
Verified by Psychology Today
I'm 28 years old, straight, and have never had sex with another guy. Me and my college roommate did masturbate each other and wear each other's white briefs on occasion, but it never extended beyond that. On the other hand, my older brother Trent who is 30, claims to be straight and is now happily married (to a woman) with a son, did have FREQUENT sexual encounters with other boys beginning in high school and on into college. We shared a room growing up so we used to see each other naked or in our white briefs/tighty whities almost daily, but I didn't have a clue about his sexual activities. My brother is a good looking guy, athletic, and has always been pretty popular with everyone, but the first time I caught him having sex with another guy really surprised me.
One afternoon after school, I walked upstairs to our room and opened the door to find him laying back on his bed having anal sex with Drew, one of his baseball buddies. Trent was on the receiving end of Drew's penis, or rather he was the "bottom". I freaked out of course and ran downstairs to call our parents. As I stood in the kitchen trying to make sense of it all and decide whether I should make the call, Drew came running downstairs and grabbed his backpack off the counter to leave while Trent came down to talk.
After I calmed down, we talked for close to 2 hours about what had happened. We were brought up in a somewhat liberal family, so I've never had an issue with homosexuality or LGBT people. But I was shocked that my older brother, who I had always looked up to and known to be very popular with girls, was having sex with other boys and might be gay. Trent made it clear to me that he was STRAIGHT and preferred having romantic relationships with girls, but that he also liked having sex with other boys. He still had sex with girls, but only if he was in a relationship with one. Trent also said that he'd been having sex with other boys since his sophomore year and had grown to like it a lot. I asked him why he was taking Drew's penis instead of the other way around, and he said that even though he sometimes topped other guys...he actually preferred to bottom because it was more "sexually stimulating" for him. After swearing I that I wouldn't tell our parents or anyone else, he promised me that he'd start making sure the other guys wore a condom (at that time he had only had unprotected anal sex with other guys).
When Trent moved away to college, he continued having frequent sexual encounters with other guys. Sometimes when he'd come home on weekends or for holidays, he'd talk about having sex with some guy and how it was totally awesome. Knowing it sort of freaked me out, he would get pretty detailed and graphic in his descriptions of how "big" the other guy, how hard and how long the guy f***ed him, and how many times it happened. At one point during his sophomore year, I was visiting him on homecoming weekend when he nervously admitted that he might be bisexual because he had been in an exclusive quasi-relationship with an older guy (a grad student) for 6-8 months. While it was still mainly sexual in nature, during the time they had been together he had actually begun having romantic feelings for the guy, who also felt the same about Trent. I never met the guy who was supposedly openly gay, but Trent made it clear that the relationship was fast turning into something more, and that their daily sex (and often several times a day) had become more "making love" than just casual sex...Trent had even allowed the guy to stop wearing condoms!! Even though I told him to be careful, I also told him that if he was bisexual or gay that I would be there for him and support him either way. By Christmas though, he and the guy had split (I didn't ask why) and Trent had moved on to having casual sex with some other guy.
When Trent was a senior in college, he met the girl who would become his wife...a true sweetheart and great gal that Trent is still head over heels for. Since meeting and marrying her, Trent hasn't had sex with any guys...but he did say about a year ago that he still think about it from time to time. While I know that Trent thinks he's 100% straight, I also believe that he is probably at least bisexual on some level. He watches gay porn regularly, chats with other guys online, and even has a dildo which he hides from his wife but uses in the shower sometimes. I know he'd NEVER cheat on her because he loves her completely and they have regular sex, but I have encouraged him to at least tell her about his past so there's no secrecy.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.