What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
Verified by Psychology Today
Is there a definition of expertise in this area that we can infuse into our family courts?
I am struggling through and avoiding being alienated from my children despite the best efforts of my local courts.
The ex called the police and claimed domestic violence charges which carries an automatic restraining order and got me carted off to jail. Someone had to go, police can't have that accusation left unresolved. The court and department of youth and families refused to provide a social worker to arrange visitation with the kids while charges were pending.
After eight weeks of court dates where the accuser did not show up I was sent to a substance abuse councillor to evaluate whether i was capable of violence or not. (I don't do any drugs and drink very little) Four weeks of evaluation later they saw no evidence, dropped the charges and I was allowed to see my children for the first time in 12 weeks.
I still don't know (and probably never will know) what the kids thought during that time, but I made sure they know I love them. Mostly by phone calls between the court assigned visits. Two weeks later the court assigned a general social worker ( no advertised specialty) to evaluate who would provide a suitable home and provide emotional support to the kids.
That social worker convinced me my daily contact with the kids via the phone was causing "undue stress" and suggessted I stop.
The next court date the sw had provided a letter to the judge stating the exclusion of my ex's lover from my home with the kids was causing hardship for the ex and my children.
I see the kids on court appointed days, but I still hesitate to call and chat with them on other days. For the longest time I insisted they call mom to say goodnight, but talking to her answering machine didn't do much for us so we have stopped.
Ran out of $$$ and was told by the court mediator I had no chance of getting placement and settled for visits.
Kids now realize their support money keeps mom and her boyfriend off the street so they feel powerless to make their own decisions as to who to live with.
Perhaps a social worker or judge will take something positive from my story and provide support at the beginning of the process...
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.