Sharing personal information brings people closer together. But how do you know when you’ve gone too far—or when someone else has ulterior motives?
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20 years ago I had a relationship with a man, a short one or a long one depending on how you look at it.
We met at work, he was married and I was living with a boyfriend. We both had ethics. He divorced, and I convinced my cohabitator to leave. We both left our job. And then even more time passed. I finally made the phone call and the man and I had a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, at that time both our lives were in turmoil due to other events. We had to make a decision about what to do and he decided to move to another state. I could have gone with him as I had a job offer in this faraway state but decided to stay where I was.These decisions were not made lightly. We never had a cross word between us.
Two decades have passed. In the first few years I was able to find little tidbits about this man on the Internet. He had a child with one woman, and then married another. He moved several times. Then I didn't care anymore and stopped looking.
Last week his name popped into my head so I did a search on Facebook. I don't know whether that was a good idea or not. This man who who didn't have much use of email when I knew him has now seriously mastered Facebook beyond anyone's dream. Every detail of his life he describes.....in detail. My guess is that since he left me he may have moved 15 times (Wow!) and so many different jobs too numerous to count. He talks about his religion and belief in God and prayer, which certainly looks nice on FB but he did that before. He's made his child his world, but I'm not sure he has custody of the child. His face is weathered and he now looks far older than he is. He was a hard drinker before, something he doesn't mention on Facebook but I can occasionally see that can of beer in the corner of the many many photos he posts, I wonder how many more cans/drinks he remembers to crop out.
Unlike Jeanne Safer, I threw my journal away, the one I kept from that time. I really wallowed in that decision to let this man go. He wasn't perfect, far from it. This man never argued with me but there was always talk of his temper. Looking back, he was probably a narcissist but he disguised it well. I don't remember exactly what I wrote but I remember how discombobulated I was about him. This is not something I wish to relive nor do I want to revert to being that person I was.
Unlike the farmer, this man is still alive. He's single and ready to mingle, but I think he might be single a lot. He wants another relationship, probably like he wants another job and a new place to live. And he wants to plaster it all on the Internet.
I bookmarked the FB page but am not sure how long I am willing to read it. I've gone on to have a life, a good one.
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