To cut a long story short I have had to children one of which sadly died of cancer which soon after I separated as my now ex husband had an affair although managed to keep a hold of our son persuading the courts that he would be most suitable to have residence of our son after kicking me out our family home and setting up home with his new partner and her child and leaving me to prove that I'm a good parent in order to get contact halling us through endless court cases for over the years I had to eventually give up as my health was being affected as he was not sticking to court order and I was back and forth to solicitor and could not get legal aid to get back in to court anyway now that my son is approaching his sixteenth birthday my lawyer advised me that any contact or communication is up to my son and that a court will not get involved I advised my solicitor although that may be the case that my son is being prevented to decide whether he sees or speaks to myself is there any help or advice on where to go from here as its been a while since I last saw my son and I often have to cry myself to sleep thinking off all this and how to solve it I am on depression tablets and have suicidal thoughts not being able to see let alone parent my son charlotte