It sounds like you are trying very hard to be the best possible parent for your son.

A few thoughts.

Sometimes it's a good idea to just relax — trust yourself, your son, and your sense of humor.

At the same time I am a strong believer that almost all parents could be more effective with less anger. You might check out the chapter/section on anger on my prescriptionswithoutpills website and book.

Lastly, bravo to you for aiming to break the potential generational transmission of narcissism. My guess is that if you relax and take a few minutes to chill before you respond to the islight signs of it in your older son, he and you will both benefit. In general, words spoken in a kindly have more impact than harsh or angry chidings.