Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly Tammy. Your love of your sons is obvious. As a fellow parent I know we can't be perfect, nor should we be. Our kids learn to navigate obstacles in life by seeing us struggle and resolve things. I strive to be a conscious and "present" parent. As a sociologist, I know your sons are creating their own meaning from all the relationships in their world. My book, How to Raise Respectful Parents was featured in Dr. Heitler's generous article. It offers communication skills and exercises that may be useful to you and your sons. Using heart centered, honest messages may help all of you relax. Perhaps you could consider simply stating to your oldest that you are concerned that he is taking on too much responsibility in the family. Assure him that you are the parent and you don't need a co-parent; this is his time in life to be a teen and grow and discover who he is. All the best! Laura