I'm so sorry you had to go through that mental torture, not only in the divorce process, but all those many years of being married to a narcissist! I finally had enough after almost 11 years with my ex-husband, and boy was he shocked when I had divorce papers unexpectedly served on him!
It was incredibly hard for me to continually stand up for myself during the almost 2 years of our divorce proceedings. Mind you, it should have been the simplest divorce ever, as we had no children, and we owned a condo together, which in the state of California each party has a right to 50% of. It should have been very cut and dried But no, he drug everything out as long, as as expensively, as possible. Whatever, I just kept holding onto my belief in myself, that I am worth getting my fair share out of the divorce.
Keep holding strong, you are worth it! You deserve to not have to live under a tyrant, and to take whatever is legally yours under the divorce. DON'T GIVE UP, NO MATTER WHAT!