What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
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I want to share with you how I changed after severe childhood trauma that impacted my habits, behaviour, personality and identity.
The procedural memory change this author mentions is good but before "how" one must learn "what".
How to stop drinking is not important if you do not agree drinking is the problem. and how do you know drinking is the problem? Your body will tell you. Your overall life will tell you.
conversation with the body is the only way to change. Where does the urge to drinking comes from? the stomach? the back? the liver? kidney? via migraine? find the body that is urging you.
Now, acknowledge the body pain and ask what does this part of me needs? love, security, out of boredom? and where did these feelings come from? you do not need episodic memories but you do need cluster memories of always craving for love, fulfillment and such.
A child learns he is loved somatically. Because the mother touched and kissed and spent time. Not because the mother showed him HOW TO DO IT. The baby does not remember the episode but remembers in his body as part of himself that he is loved.
changing habits is similar. You need to find what the bottom line urge is. It is usually an emotion, state or overview of being - loneliness, confidence, emptiness, identity issue (this can mean at minimum caring too much what others think over what you think) etc.
So in short:
You need knowledge - somatic point - good trauma therapy or sub-consciousness/relational therapist can help
then you need procedural training - CBT is good for this.
The neuron thing, you cannot do anything about it. It just has to happen and you notice afterwards.
for the longest time, I could not trust therapists. I changed them every few months because I would be so paranoid, untrusting, thinking about them over and over and defend myself in my head - serious selfobject issues.
All of sudden I become conscious of that. listened to my body. and study myself and fantasize to a point what I want - having normal relationship wit the therapist.
When I no longer think of the therapist in negative way, SO MANY OTHER THINGS FELL INTO PLACE. it was like domino affect.
Find your domino in what you think about everyday and find where in the body it lands and then set a goal to move on procedural manner.
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