Sharing personal information brings people closer together. But how do you know when you’ve gone too far—or when someone else has ulterior motives?
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Forgiveness is a lead-a-horse-to-water type of concept. For a wronged person to be bullied or guilted into "forgiving" is compounding the wrong. Not only does the wronged person still feel the sting and shame of the original wrong, but now someone has laid an additional layer of discomfort upon him/her - that s/he is selfish, immature, or just plain a bad person for not forgiving. Forgiveness is an internal letting-go that can only be done by the person wronged, and only when the wronged person is totally good and ready and truly wants to do so. There is a personal benefit in not forgiving - a protection against it happening again - and there is a societal benefit in not forgiving - the perpetrator of a wrong is censured by major or minor shunning by the wronged person and by any other people who value doing right. Permitting persons without conscience to get away with harming others, scot-free, time after time, in the name of some amorphous "forgiveness," is not a good thing for any other person in the group. Forgiveness comes easier (although still not mandated) if the wrongdoer comes to his/her senses, acknowledges the true nature and extent of the wrong, and expresses sincere remorse to the wronged, especially if it is accompanied by an actual effort (as opposed to lip service) to make up for it. Forgiveness comes easier if many years have elapsed. Sometimes, with just cutting the wrongdoer out of your life and getting on with it, you wake up one morning and discover that it has been years since you thought about him/her or the incident. That is probably evolutionary forgiveness. Seeing that person again perchance after all those years might still make you want to punch him/her in the face, and you still might do it, but you had a bunch of good years in the meantime free from his/her poisonous influence. Seeing him/her ruined by his/her own actions is always good. Those kinds of people usually end up divorced (several times), bankrupted, maybe in jail or in some sort of financial or career disgrace, and physically ravaged by their own misspent lives. The old stroke patient in a wheelchair who has to pay someone to change his diapers was a serial cheat who ran away from supporting his own children. The frighteningly ugly old woman, living alone in squalor, whose poison tongue ruined the reputations of a lot of people. Karma has ways.
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