It’s high time we put the most enduring myths about human behavior to bed, and see the mind—and the world—as it is.
Verified by Psychology Today
This is the first time Ive ever done anything like this but need help
I'd really appreciate your advice on a few things.
I have the most amazing, beautiful, funny girlfriend anyone could hope for, thats how I feel and know for the majority of the time.
However there are a few things that just down right confuse me and makes me think that things arent all they seem.
When we're together I feel so loved, so cared for and the most important thing to her, as I feel a loving relationship should be and exactly what she is to me, weve discussed things in our future, her meeting my children, us marrying one day, setting up home together, places we'll visit, I want it all with her and sometimes she says that its the same for her.
All sounds great so far eh? thats the thing when its good its amazing, when things arent that way its devistating and so uncertain. She knows everything about me, warts n all, there's a lot of really bad things and I wanted to be totally open and honest with her as I knew very early on that it was getting very serious and I wanted her to be fully aware of what she was getting into before she fell to far. When it comes to knowing about her and what she's been though I'm pretty much in the dark, she says that I shouldnt take offence or take it personally but its bloody hard not to.
She's had things in the past that have caused her problems, she's allouded to that with me but is unwilling to tell me anymore.She says its because its because she's an introvert, but she speaks to her friends about things and loves an online blog.
Is it just me she doesnt want to talk to and share things with, or am i being paranoid???
The other bit of advice I wanted is linked. like I said the majority of the time when we're together all of my needs are met, when we're apart it does make me feel a little out of sight out of mind, I rarly hear from her and feel I cant call her as its me 'suffolcating her'. I know I am very full on and very needy with her but I have improved on things, and start counselling next week from her suggestion, I am totally dedicated to making myself the best for her and to make her proud to be with me.
I dont want to make her feel that she doesnt want to be with me, but I also dont want to feel like crap either, whenever I get the courage to speak to her about it I put it in writing so that I can makesure what Im trying to say comes accross in the right way and it often gets ignored, no reply at all, it really hurts, I open up myself to this when I try to talk to her about things and often i read back certain things that i write and they really nice things to hear that someone feels about you, but still I dont get a response and the next time I hear from her it gets ignored and the subject changed, she said to me once when i pulled her up on it that she doesnt like doing deep by text or email, i get that, so I try to avoid doping it as much as possible, but at least aknowlege what ive said when I do and say we'll talk about when were next together? but that doesnt happen, i dont hear that from her, just ignored and never mentioned again, together or apart.
The final thing is this, much of the times she instigates and dictates when we see eachother, I am really happy with this as it means that I cant go over the top and outstay my welcome (as Id see her 24/7 if I could), however, weve had a few issues recently and she's said she needs some time apart and on her own, thats fine as I want her to be happy, but I am confused as she's been saying she cant get enough of me and wants to be with me as much as possible and I honestly have left it up to her to say as and when we see eachother, but I feel the blame has been put on me that we are together too much. I'm getting such mixed signals.
Please help, is this all in my head, am I being too needy, is she confused as to how she feels about me? am I worryiong over nothing?
Please be honest and brutally frank as I really do adore her and want to spend my life with her, so need to know what to do to make her happy
Thank you for listening to my mad ramblings. Dave
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.