What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
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I engage in coaching for men who seek to address issues related to their sexuality. I only coach men 40 years or older because it is in this 'transition' or mid-life time of life when men have a history they can reflect upon and are more often than not ready or willing to explore what is working, what is not working, what they want in their lives to be authentic and true to themselves. I coach men who identify as gay, straight, bi, trans, married, partnered, single, polyamorous.
Fantasies play a major role in my coaching. Men have discussed with me their antasies around taboo subjects, kinky sex, homoerotic scenes, beastiality, gang-bangs, cannabilism, etc. Fantasies that may or may not be ever played out or lived in real time. But, they find in my coaching a safe space to explore the meaning of such fantasies, as well as the needs these fantasies are meeting in their lives. It is because most do not want to talk it out with a therapist or in any other 'public' fashion that men come to me.
Fantasies speak volumes about what a man needs in his sex life. He may or may not be able to find that need met in vanilla sex or even with the sex he has with his partner/lover/wife. This also speaks volumes about how puritanical our culture remains around sexual issues, and how much men are still limited in trying to fit gender roles assigned to them by parents, peers, and media.
We have a long way yet to go when men can talk with each other, or even with their sexual partners, about their fantasies without being shamed or made to feel guilty about even having such fantasies.
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