Sharing personal information brings people closer together. But how do you know when you’ve gone too far—or when someone else has ulterior motives?
Verified by Psychology Today
I didn't say that everyone should have a romantic relationship, or that everyone should find their soul mate, or even that they should stop masturbating for that matter. What are you smoking and can I have some?
The issue is when it becomes all-consuming. My fears stem from experience. Addiction and escalation are two of the most disturbing fields to be standing between when it comes to masturbation. The growing desire, the growing NEED, to spend hours each day doing nothing but jacking off to increasingly disturbing pornography? Trying more and more new methods of masturbation regardless of the potential risks for injury? It's not fun. Thankfully I became aware of my problems quite early on, and I've since recovered most of my ground. But I've seen, met, and talked with people who have fallen far deeper into the rabbit hole- and it's a very, very deep hole.
I've read these men's stories. Some of them have to wallow in their own urine to feel any sense of arousal. Others have to inflict rather disturbing pain on themselves through cuts or beatings. I've read more than a couple stories of men who are shoving baseball bats up their orifice, because that's the only way they can become aroused now. Note the word "now." They weren't always like that, and it certainly didn't arouse them in the past. But it's how they are now, and some of them are going through Hell and back to try and retrieve their normal sexuality again. They can't become erect with a woman no matter how mind bendingly gorgeous they might be. Some of these men are married and their relationship is crumbling because they can no longer be properly intimate with their partners.
There are women who come to the forums that these men congregate in, seeking help, begging for assistance in helping their lovers regain their original sexual urges. What can they do? Should they do anything at all? Should they be supportive or try to let their boyfriends or husbands do this on their own?
It's a dreadful thing to go through and it's heart wrenching to see relationships shattered by an addiction to something so natural.
I don't find masturbation itself to be unhealthy, let me make that clear. It's an excellent way to achieve sexual fulfillment in the absence of a partner (whether it's desired or not). But like any good thing, too much in excess is very dangerous. If toys or machines or what have you get to a point where it's just as good as, or better than sex, then it's going to be all the more tempting. I worry that in such a case, that the machines and toys would be more tempting than a partner. Yes, some people don't want a partner; but a lot more people actually do, even if only for casual sex.
I will concede on something: The other commenter makes a valid point in that vibrators have been around for a while and there's not necessarily been a huge drop in women who are willing to jump in bed. Indeed, there are, proportionally, probably more women today who are happy to have casual sex than at any other point in history.
However, I look back to my past experience. I recall those women: They simply had no idea what to do. They had questions about the whole thing. It was like they were trying to learn a new language, they had no idea how male sexuality functioned. I suspect men and women's sexual wiring is much different, far more different than we currently understand them, at any rate.
But this is all speculative. Keep this in mind, my concerns are just that, concerns. I am not speaking of inevitable doom and gloom, just the fear of it. As I said, "We're on a steep hill, and it's hard to tell if it's an incline or a decline." I don't know where technological advances in sex will take us. My fears involve the bonobo nature or mechanical partners. What I failed to include are the possible positive alternatives, which the other commenter had mentioned already; perhaps in some way, it will lead to stronger relationships in bed rather than drive the sexes apart.
But I've seen more of the potential fears than the hopes, so my view is admittedly biased. That is why my original post (and much of this one) is so negative in tone.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.