Sounds like a huge reduction in commitment to me. If you don't want to deal with her , why be in this relationship. It's not healthy to go get your release and not share intimacy with someone you care about and have a commitment to. This proves the point that it is destructive to intimacy. I am sure your girlfriend/ wife is not feeling very happy supported or loved by your attitude. Dealing with someone else's "crap" is what a relationship is. If you don't want to deal with it, you shouldn't be Ina relationship, but work on your self healing. Exciting and fulfilling sex happens with trust, the willingness to be vulnerable with another human being. If she feels she has to protect herself, you are going to feel a huge distance from her . How do you think she feels when you are comparing her to women in magazines and videos? Do you think that is contributing to the problem in the first place? People that feel safe, secure, loved and valued have better, more open, freer fun sex.