What to know about what you don’t know you know. #1: Intuition is very efficient—if you don't overthink it.
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Thanks for at least one person on this page to notice the traumas that older siblings go through. Although you posted your comment three years ago, I feel the need to acknowledge you. You deserve better, and so do I. So many years of pretending not to be a "victim," and all the other psychobabble from hell. No, I'm not a victim. I'm a strong, protective, loving older sibling and proud of it. The problem is, as long as I fail to acknowledge the pain and guilt I went through (and continue to go through after going "no contact" on my emotionally manipulative younger sister), I attract other abusers into my life. Little snipers and controllers and general a-holes. It's something I'm just now declaring, at risk to everything, to be not OK. Never OK.
We older siblings may not be bearers of perfection, but we are perfect just the way we are.
I stare in near-disbelief at these accounts of older siblings physically abusing their younger ones. Because it never, ever occurred to me to do such a thing. I cannot say with 100% certainty that I never hit or responded in any way, and you can sure bet if she had jumped me physically I would have beaten the shit out of her. Absolutely. And with no guilt. The thing is, I remember no such confrontation, physically. Just verbally and through hurtful actions and manipulative games.
My heart goes out to this commenter also on the demand that she be better behaved, as the older one. While I never truly resented behaving well, being basically a good kid, it did seem that the rules were stricter in my case. I was not even allowed to wear full makeup until I left home at 18, and there were silly numbers placed on things like being 14 and being allowed to shave my legs. Stupid me, I followed the "rules." No wonder people keep making silly rules for me, at 51! Heaven forbid I should leave a single fork in the sink at work, or leave a door unlocked while I'm at home (in a perfectly fine neighborhood), or have hair that lands on the bathroom floor. Seriously? And if I follow such rules, stricter ones are sure to follow. (Why, indeed, did I yawn at a meeting?) And really? When one of my parents asserts that she is "trying hard," and I should never, ever cut off a sibling, I am not to respond to that? Hello?
I'm in my 50s and have only recently learned the term "up yours" (even if expressed privately). It's a great awakening, realizing that no, a certain ex-boyfriend was NOT being reasonable when he brought up how much he still "loved" me while excusing every single lie he ever told me. And no, having an "open heart" doesn't mean I can tolerate such people. The love in my heart is there for ME and those who genuinely love me.
All accounts are paid, and I owe no one. Anything. Least of all my respect, if they abuse me through stupid, detailed arguments about how wrong I am. Screw 'em. Really. Whoever said life was fair? It just got less "fair" for them, according to their rules I guess. Pardon my dust; I really AM the stronger person, and I'm outta here.
I am a strong, accomplished, loving and delightful older sibling. I celebrate older siblings. Those of you who would ever hit a younger kid, unprovoked, screw you. What were you thinking? You dishonor all of us. We are honorable and amazing people, if we let ourselves be.
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