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Hi again Emily,
I've spent years with psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, counsellors etc and spent years on anti-depressants. None of this has worked. For some reason, doingt hese figure comps and reading your posts has brought me closer to the grain of truth within me. Your gifts of honesty, clear and articulate writing, response and genuine care are what I have been starving for.
Vanessa is right - there is a starvation happening on a number of levels: love, contact, worthiness, money, choices, opportunities and the list goes on. I feel, should the universe give me all to sate my whims, I'd be the most hideous creature alive. I'd be selfishly greedy. I'd annhilate myself in gluttony. But the spirit/soul etc does not allow for that. I keep thiniing of an Elvis spring figure that 'dances' on a dashboard. Pull it one way and it either springs back and forth til it finds balance, or the spring is so stretched and bent that it requires intervention to straighten it so it resembles some form of balance. Not sure where I fit in, but I can clearly see that you, Emily, are well on the way to bouncing back to equilibrium. Vanessa - I could not have summed it up better!
It all feels like a whirlwind of emotions and change. Part of me wants to revert back to the loooong days of crankiness and black coffees. But that is mere comfort calling. I require a new form of comfort that incorporates the things I actually do find pleasure in. The path is there, I just need a break from the hard walking I require myself to do.
Emily, if you are ever in Australia, specifically Melbourne, look me up via email and I'll bring you back to my place for the best Indonesian food around. Yeah, I cook, but I specialise in wholefood vegetarian fare. My comfort food! Funnily my 6 yo son wants to be a desserts chef and open his own desserts restaurant when he is an adult. Ahh, the nuances and ironies of life!!
Yours in sisterhood,
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