All I can say is my children, like most, have always responded better to opportunities to earn rewards and all the sensorial pleasure inherent in those rewards and have only ever been interested in avoiding getting caught when the consequence is punishment. The primary lesson extracted from the smartest of teens when the consequence is punishment is how to better avoid the consequences next time. Punishment is fear based. Do we really want to take healthy respect to fear?

Montessori teaches this from age 2, as do informed teachers and parents.

It's probably safe to say that we are always more likely to respond to opportunities that make us feel more successful, loved, important and capable, than those that demean, shame, blame and devalue us.

I'm happy to see that science is confirming the importance of parenting with this understanding and how to reframe our parenting style.

Laura McGee